LIFE unexpected

me & my 5 day old bear

i never really expected i'd be a mother. before i had my little bear i had always been the aunt who spoils the nephews and neices with little toys and candy. i like hugging their soft little bodies, kissing their cute little faces, smelling their sweet baby scent... but when they start crying, i make a mad dash to the nearest exit and go on with my life as a single girl with no care in the world. 

how it used to be is very different from what it is now. my career had been my priority because i had nothing else going for me in the little world that i have built for myself in makati. my existence then wasn't bad at all... i was making enough to go on shopping sprees every weekend, and i did pretty much whatever i wanted without being answerable to anyone... date whoever i wanted to date, stayed out or stayed in whenever i felt like it, drank to my heart's content and partied like there was no tomorrow, so to speak... i have convinced myself that i was happy with where i was at, having just gotten over a seriously ugly break-up, yet somehow i felt empty. little did i know that that void was gonna be filled by the little bear growing inside me.

finding out i was pregnant was definitely something that made my world stop! for three months i thought it over... strategized, conceptualized, exhausted the poor little brain that i rarely used hehehe! there was no getting out of this one. i was in a jam. but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. it was just something different... the moment i decided to keep my baby i knew things would change drastically. starting with eating habbits and unhealthy lifestyle practices... no more junk food and soda, no more partying for 2 days straight, no more sitting beside smokers, stuff like that.

i always thought i could go back to how it used to be once i had the baby. one thing i've learned from this experience is that things don't always go as planned and you can never be prepared enough no matter how much reading and brainstorming you put into it. for the first few months of little bear's life, i had winged it. control freak that i am, i have felt inadequate and little surprises that pop up here and there drove me insane. what the hell am i talking about? let me just tell it like it is, plain and simple coz even i am getting confused...

first off, baby daddy's name is J. i wouldn't admit it at that time but i was in a rebound relationship with him. i had just gotten over the drama of an "on again off again" relationship with D that had dragged on for a couple of years, and J was a refreshing change to the old and worn out routine i had with D, but J was insecure and was becoming psycho so i broke it off with him even before i found out i was pregnant. after J, i breifly dated P and A but not at the same time, those lasted about 1 minute each LOL! then came along C... i became fast friends with this boy and cried my eyes out on his shoulder; and i told him i wasn't getting fat but was in fact pregnant. i thought i'd never see him after that but surprisingly, he stuck around. he went with me to baby doctor appointments, took care of me when i was sick, celebrated with me when we found out i was having a boy, thought of baby names with me, even talked about eventually adopting the baby and building a life together...

that was the plan. but then there was this little thing i needed to do... tell my parents i was pregnant and that i wanted to share my life with a boy who wasn't the baby daddy. ohhhhh boy, i could just feel the chills running down my spine! and it was chaotic when my parents found out... ~~~ TO BE CONTINUED ~~~ sorry, the blogger is sleepy & didn't realize that the drama that is my life is sooooo long and winding LOL ~~~ TO BE CONTINUED next time, when i feel like writing again hehehe ;P

 didn't know what the hell i was doing...