Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentine

i think the reason why i'm still single at 34 is because i really have no clue as to what i really want in a boy. it's either that or i'm just a horrible witch that no one wants to be with. but i've already kept my broomstick under lock and key so it's about time for me to start wishing for that perfect warlock... errr, i mean boy LOL! in the spirit of valentine's day i'm going to make a wish list of sorts for the qualities i want in my future partner (positive thinking!). i'll let the power of the mind do the work and see how this goes. i'm gonna think really long and hard about this coz after all

"thoughts become words,
words become actions,
actions become habits,
habits become character, and
character becomes one's destiny..."

and i'm crossing my fingers that by next valentine's day, my mister man will be by my side... because the universe is bringing him to me! wink wink wink ;P 


john abraham

♥ doesn't have to look exactly like john abraham but close (a girl can dream can't i?) ♥ tall, dark, handsome, pearly white teeth, minty fresh breath the whole day even if he just ate durian or shawarma (if he doesn't like those kinda food, he'll learn to love them, because i do! hehehe) drowns himself in aftershave, eau de toilette, body spray and cologne (i like my man smelling nice, deal with it!) ♥ fashion style must be neat and crisp, clothes clean and ironed out, shoes with socks, belt, and none of those hiphop jeans please! ♥ broad shoulders (a must!) not for me but for when my little bear falls asleep, he could help me carry little bear around hehehe! ♥ someone who takes good care of his skin (coz zits are my #1 pet peeve! eeewww!)

♥ a man with a plan... coz i hate being asked "what should we do today?" or "where do you wanna go?" or "where do we eat?" he has to have that all figured out and all i have to do is show up ♥ someone who takes his job seriously but not that seriously... a person who is able to separate work from his personal life and can manage his time between the two. it would be nice though, if he is already a millionaire and will just spend most of his time with me and little bear traveling the world (disneyworld, kotakinabalu, african safari *sigh*) ♥ funny... must be able to deal with my sarcastic humor and come up with a few comebacks so that i wouldn't feel like such an ass around him ♥ a gentle soul... enough with the bad boys, i'm choosing to disassociate myself from these types forever, history is not repeating itself this time around! it would be nice to be with someone who is a good boy in general but not the goody goody two shoes variety please! just someone who is good to his mom and family, that would be a keeper! (mama's boys are welcome to apply LOL)

♥ save the best for last... must love me and my little bear without conditions and feel at home in our chaotic little world! 


me and my little valentine

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Part TWO

gonna build my world of dreams around you my little bear...


          the saga continues... LOL! this is the scene where i left off in my story about my UNEXPECTED LIFE: i was already 6 months pregnant when my parents found out i was pregnant and my little world has gone haywire! for a month or two me and C were planning our future little life together... he would be at the delivery room with me to hold my hand when i gave birth to baby tristan (he and i both came up with the name), i'll go back to work after my maternity leave, he'll work hard and help me out in taking care of the baby... we were building sandcastles in the air, but all that came crashing down when i let my parents take over all pregnancy related decision making. why did i let them? maybe out of guilt because i knew i disappointed them big time by getting knocked up, maybe because i felt like i didn't know what i was doing, maybe because i was just so happy they didn't decide to disown me... my parents decided that i leave makati right away... leave my job, my friends, my life, and C who has been my anchor in the stormy sea of chaos also known as my little world. i decided to go along with whatever they planned for me because i knew they had my best interest at heart, and i also thought it was best to have and raise my baby in the place where i grew up in. and so i tearfully said goodbye to my beloved makati along with the people who've become my family when mine was miles away. C asked me "what about our plans?" and i told him we could still go with what we've planned, i'll just have the baby in my hometown and when the baby gets a little older i'll come back. 

          deep down i wasn't really sure if i could really go back to makati, but i wanted to because C was there and i have grown to love my life in that big city... the job, the friends, the fun i had on my days off from work, the little world i have built for myself... in makati i wasn't RMA's daughter or martin's sister or my family's unica hija. i had a clean slate when i moved to makati, i was who i was and people accepted me for that. but i thought to myself that i could always go back when the baby got older and raising an infant in the big city was gonna be hard anyway. and so i went back to the place i grew up in. it was my home but somehow it didn't feel like it, it wasn't that familiar to me anymore. for the first few months it felt like i was only visiting, it was a transient place... maybe because my heart was still in makati, where my best friend C was. he and i lost touch after that, i shed some tears over it, and moved on. i had to move on... crying over what could have been wasn't an option, i had a baby on the way!

          on the month that i was going to give birth, i had a surprise visit from my old friend E. it was a whirlwind thing, and to make the long story short, he and i ended up planning a life together. i knew i was on the rebound but i kept convincing myself that this was what was best for my little tristan bear who was growing inside of me. E loved tristan even before the baby was born. i even named the baby after him because i consider him the father of my child. DNA doesn't make a person someone's father, LOVE does... and papaE loved little TRISTAN ENRICO. he still does to this date, and even though he and i are no longer a couple, he still loves my kid as his own, and for that i will be forever grateful... ***smile*** 

          fast forward to present time, my little bear is now 3 and i'm still living at home, still single. not the life i've planned but i've grown to love it anyway. the dream of picking up where i left off careerwise is still there somewhere but for now my little bear comes first. i couldn't find it in my heart to leave him for 9 hours to go to work. what i tell people when asked why i don't work is because my baby is too attached to me but actually it's the other way around: it is me who is very much attached to my kid hehehe! since the day he was born i haven't been away from him for a whole day, and except for his first 5 nights in the hospital nursery, he has slept beside me every night of his life, and that's how i like it! my dear friend PRECY told me about serendipity and i've realized that it best describes my unexpected life and how i feel about where the universe has taken me... precisely!!! (wink wink wink thanks gurl! ***mwah***) 

SERENDIPITY. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for. ~~~ Lawrence Block  
i may not be where i intended to go, but i am exactly where i'm meant to be... 
>>> right beside my LITTLE BEAR!!! wink wink wink ;p

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Intermission

1. What is more difficult for you: looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel? the latter coz it creeps me out when someone starts talking in a serious manner. when someone spills his guts out, i don't wanna look him in the eye coz i just might have a violent reaction, and i have yet to master the art of making a poker face...
2. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone you are going to die? i'd keep it a secret! when i'm already a ghost i'd visit my friends and yell SURPRISED MUCH???
3. You can have one of the following two things: trust OR love?
TRUST, i believe the other will follow...
4. Does love = sex? YES...
5. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? 
no, i'm afraid i'm not a very good friend...
6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? to hell with the dog hehe sorry little doggie...
7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
DISNEYWORLD with my little bear ***SIGH*** whatta dream...
8. What do you think about capital punishment? pointless! a criminal shouldn't be put to death, that's the easy way out. he should be roasted like a marshmallow over a fire pit hehehe
9. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? yes. but if i tell you then i would have to kill you hehehe! actually, it's too distasteful to tell. i'd rather keep my mouth shut and pretend i'm a classy chick...
10. Ever been in a physical fight? If yes how many and who were they with?
yes. just once. with D. threw pots and pans at him... huhahahahaha (((evil laugh!))) hey i forgot, i also punched him in the face and his lips bled... sorry D... PEACE!

baaaaad cheetah!!! LOL

Saturday, February 5, 2011

LIFE unexpected

me & my 5 day old bear

i never really expected i'd be a mother. before i had my little bear i had always been the aunt who spoils the nephews and neices with little toys and candy. i like hugging their soft little bodies, kissing their cute little faces, smelling their sweet baby scent... but when they start crying, i make a mad dash to the nearest exit and go on with my life as a single girl with no care in the world. 

how it used to be is very different from what it is now. my career had been my priority because i had nothing else going for me in the little world that i have built for myself in makati. my existence then wasn't bad at all... i was making enough to go on shopping sprees every weekend, and i did pretty much whatever i wanted without being answerable to anyone... date whoever i wanted to date, stayed out or stayed in whenever i felt like it, drank to my heart's content and partied like there was no tomorrow, so to speak... i have convinced myself that i was happy with where i was at, having just gotten over a seriously ugly break-up, yet somehow i felt empty. little did i know that that void was gonna be filled by the little bear growing inside me.

finding out i was pregnant was definitely something that made my world stop! for three months i thought it over... strategized, conceptualized, exhausted the poor little brain that i rarely used hehehe! there was no getting out of this one. i was in a jam. but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. it was just something different... the moment i decided to keep my baby i knew things would change drastically. starting with eating habbits and unhealthy lifestyle practices... no more junk food and soda, no more partying for 2 days straight, no more sitting beside smokers, stuff like that.

i always thought i could go back to how it used to be once i had the baby. one thing i've learned from this experience is that things don't always go as planned and you can never be prepared enough no matter how much reading and brainstorming you put into it. for the first few months of little bear's life, i had winged it. control freak that i am, i have felt inadequate and little surprises that pop up here and there drove me insane. what the hell am i talking about? let me just tell it like it is, plain and simple coz even i am getting confused...

first off, baby daddy's name is J. i wouldn't admit it at that time but i was in a rebound relationship with him. i had just gotten over the drama of an "on again off again" relationship with D that had dragged on for a couple of years, and J was a refreshing change to the old and worn out routine i had with D, but J was insecure and was becoming psycho so i broke it off with him even before i found out i was pregnant. after J, i breifly dated P and A but not at the same time, those lasted about 1 minute each LOL! then came along C... i became fast friends with this boy and cried my eyes out on his shoulder; and i told him i wasn't getting fat but was in fact pregnant. i thought i'd never see him after that but surprisingly, he stuck around. he went with me to baby doctor appointments, took care of me when i was sick, celebrated with me when we found out i was having a boy, thought of baby names with me, even talked about eventually adopting the baby and building a life together...

that was the plan. but then there was this little thing i needed to do... tell my parents i was pregnant and that i wanted to share my life with a boy who wasn't the baby daddy. ohhhhh boy, i could just feel the chills running down my spine! and it was chaotic when my parents found out... ~~~ TO BE CONTINUED ~~~ sorry, the blogger is sleepy & didn't realize that the drama that is my life is sooooo long and winding LOL ~~~ TO BE CONTINUED next time, when i feel like writing again hehehe ;P

 didn't know what the hell i was doing...

Mayeee's Q & A

4 years running!!! narcissistic me always answer the following questions at the start of every year, as if anyone is interested in knowing my answers haha i don't care!!! LOL i guess i do it every year so i can look back at the year that was...
☀☀☀☀☀ 1. BOYFRIEND?
2007: secret!!!
2008: broke it off with he who must not be named...
2009: no1 interesting came along... maybe in 2010 (wishful thinking!)
2010: younger dude came along. i thought he was the one... NOT! not worth mentioning...
☀☀☀☀☀ 2. LOST ANY FRIENDS?
2007: yes, 2 so called friends
2008: yes (my best friend slash boyfriend)
2009: no
2010: lost touch with abi and bem... we live in different worlds now =(
☀☀☀☀☀ 3. GAINED ANY FRIENDS?
2007: a few...
2008: no
2009: no (still not very friendly)
2010: yes, finally!!! little bear started school & i became friends w/ moms of his classmates
☀☀☀☀☀ 4. WENT ON A HOLIDAY?
2007: yes
2008: no
2009: no
2010: no, little bear is still too young to travel... not going anywhere w/out him... hopefully next year...
☀☀☀☀☀ 5. MOVED?
2007: makati to tagoloan
2008: no
2009: no
2010: no... but thinkin about movin back to makati
☀☀☀☀☀ 6. HAVE YOU CHANGED?
2007: a lot
2008: no
2009: yes (towards the end of 2009)
2010: less uptight... \m/
☀☀☀☀☀ 7. ANY NEW ADDITIONS?
2007: my spawn a.k.a. tristan enrico teetanzbear
2008: no
2009: no
2010: no... still searchin for THE ONE! hehehe =D
☀☀☀☀☀ 8. BIGGEST CONFLICT THIS YEAR?
2007: new and exciting VS old and familiar
2008: the break-up (duh!)
2009: around october... he came, he went, whatever!!!
2010: the ass cheated on me... i thought it was him & me 4ever... it turned out he had a GF... grrr!!!
☀☀☀☀☀ 9. MOST DEPRESSED TIME THIS YEAR?
2007: january (because he wasn't there)
2008: april (basta!!!)
2009: october (spawn diagnosed with autism)
2010: no drama this year... it was generally a happy year =)
☀☀☀☀☀ 10. DID YOU FALL IN LOVE?
2007: ewww, what a term...
2008: ewww ewww ewww
2009: ewwwww
2010: still eeewww
☀☀☀☀☀ 11. DID YOU GET YOUR HEART BROKEN?
2007: yes
2008: mechanical heart wasnt working back then... ;P
2009: yes
2010: a little bit...
☀☀☀☀☀ 12. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
2007: 30th bday... happy... spent the day with xtian...
2008: 31st bday... happy...
2009: 32nd bday... sad...
2010: 33rd bday... so so... icon (the X) sent me a cake, we're friends now...
☀☀☀☀☀ 13. MET A PERSON WHO WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
2007: yes
2008: no
2009: no
2010: kinda... saw myself through his eyes, i wasn't as awful as i thought i was =)
☀☀☀☀☀ 14. KEPT YOUR RESOLUTIONS?
2007: failed!
2008: failed!
2009: failed! maybe in 2010... ;P
2010: failed!!!
☀☀☀☀☀ 15. HAD A FIRST SOMETHING?
2007: curveball
2008: spawn's 1st birthday
2009: first time to have my dreams crushed... drama!
2010: realized that my life wasn't so bad after all...
☀☀☀☀☀ 16. DID ANYTHING ILLEGAL?
2007: always!
2008: always!
2009: always! hahaha!
2010: of course! i wouldn't be me if everything i do is legal hehehe (evil laugh)
☀☀☀☀☀ 17. HAD A CRUSH?
2007: jerry yan
2008: wentworth miller
2009: won bin (autumn in my heart)
2010: a certain pretty eyed person... but it's just a crush! defensive much??? LOL
☀☀☀☀☀ 18. LIKED SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LIKE YOU BACK?
2007: they all liked me back... joke!!!
2008: YES!
2009: YES!
2010: sadly, yes...
☀☀☀☀☀ 19. LOST A FAMILY MEMBER?
2007: no
2008: no
2009: no
2010: no
☀☀☀☀☀ 20. DONE SOMETHING YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE?
2007: yes
2008: yes... maybe i shouldn't have
2009: yes yes yes
2010: no
☀☀☀☀☀ 21. DONE SOMETHING YOU TOTALLY REGRET?
2007: yes
2008: yes
2009: no
2010: not this year =)
☀☀☀☀☀ 22. CHANGED YOUR VIEW ON THINGS?
2007: no
2008: no
2009: yes (lightbulb moment!)
2010: yes... i've decided to put myself out there and start dating again (wooooo!) enuf with the moping


☀☀☀☀☀  wink wink wink ☀☀☀☀☀
Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever. ~~~ The Crow