Disconnected

The walls we built around us to keep
out the sadness also keep out the joy.

Two months ago I lost someone important to me to lung cancer and it is now slowly sinking in that at this moment, in this sometimes cruel world that we live in, I no longer have anyone who has my back. Of course my family will always be there for me and my little bear but I always thought of this person as a bonus - someone outside of my family who I can call if ever I needed a friend. But now he's gone...

Now I really need to put myself out there and at least try to make connections with people. I really want to have someone who understands me, but it has been quite challenging for me to find a person like that. I guess I've been burned one too many times that it has become tiring to get to know someone only to lose that person and somewhat disappointing to realize that the efforts I've put into building a connection were all in vain...

I often wish someone would give a damn about me... 

I don't know if I'll ever find such a person... 

I really need to shake off this feeling of being alone... 

Or maybe I've just been watching too many Kdramas on TV the past few days.