☆☆☆ Sometimes on the way to the dream
you get lost and find a better one.☆☆☆
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Remembering
I'm not going to tell the story the way it happened. I'm going to tell it the way I remember it...
Four years ago, I felt strongly about someone. I'm not really sure if it was the L word I was feeling or if it was more of desperately needing to have someone who will be there for me to hold my hand as I was about to face a rather difficult chapter of my so called life... I was five months pregnant and alone when I met this person. Instant connection... Became best friends after a few days... Inseparable for the next two months... But then, the friendship was cut short by distance and circumstance... =(
We once shared a common goal: we planned on migrating to The Great Cayman Islands! (((LOL))) At that time, I was constantly googling images of The Great Cayman Islands while I was at work, day dreaming... Imagining what our life together would be like in this new and exciting place: the two of us raising the child I was about to have... coming home to each other after a hard day at work... ***sigh*** But then, I had to leave, and he had to stay behind... I had a baby to raise, while he had a career to build, obligations to fulfill, and dreams to chase... (nostalgia now makin me cry just a lil bit!)
Things didn't quite turn out as we planned... Physical separation... Unexpected turn of events... Out of sight, out of mind... We failed to keep the communication lines open... Eventually the friendship went kaput! =( I still think about him sometimes, though... I seldom do this, but once in a while, I indulge myself by allowing my mind to wander into thoughts of "what could have been..." It's his birthday today... Happy 28th Birthday my friend, wherever you are... I wonder if I'll ever see you again... I wish you well... and I wonder if you also think about me sometimes... ;P
Four years ago, I felt strongly about someone. I'm not really sure if it was the L word I was feeling or if it was more of desperately needing to have someone who will be there for me to hold my hand as I was about to face a rather difficult chapter of my so called life... I was five months pregnant and alone when I met this person. Instant connection... Became best friends after a few days... Inseparable for the next two months... But then, the friendship was cut short by distance and circumstance... =(
We once shared a common goal: we planned on migrating to The Great Cayman Islands! (((LOL))) At that time, I was constantly googling images of The Great Cayman Islands while I was at work, day dreaming... Imagining what our life together would be like in this new and exciting place: the two of us raising the child I was about to have... coming home to each other after a hard day at work... ***sigh*** But then, I had to leave, and he had to stay behind... I had a baby to raise, while he had a career to build, obligations to fulfill, and dreams to chase... (nostalgia now makin me cry just a lil bit!)
Things didn't quite turn out as we planned... Physical separation... Unexpected turn of events... Out of sight, out of mind... We failed to keep the communication lines open... Eventually the friendship went kaput! =( I still think about him sometimes, though... I seldom do this, but once in a while, I indulge myself by allowing my mind to wander into thoughts of "what could have been..." It's his birthday today... Happy 28th Birthday my friend, wherever you are... I wonder if I'll ever see you again... I wish you well... and I wonder if you also think about me sometimes... ;P
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Calvin & Hobbes: I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long.
If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time...
Just A Few of the Many Happy Memories:
>>> He and I spent the morning together--- eating, talking, watching tv... at noon we rode the bus together--- I was going to work, and he was going to do errands... My stop was coming up and I needed to get off the bus but at the last minute I decided to blow off work... Stayed on the bus and spent the rest of the day with him doing errands... Happy day... Fun day... All smiles... >>> I was anxiously waiting for my mom to arrive from my hometown and was gonna tell her my news--- that I was six months along the way! He decided to take me to the mall and go shopping like we always do, like it was any other day--- to calm my nerves... and it worked! Be it window shopping, grocery shopping or buying maternity clothes--- it's always fun when he's around... >>> We were both craving for the perfect sisig dish... we went on a food trip--- on a quest for the best sisig in town! We ate at Dencio's, Gerry's, Ineng's, and even tried vacuum packed sisig and canned sisig, too (ewww!)... We both loved Dencio's! If pregnant girl wanted sisig, pregnant girl got sisig--- that's the rule! ...and the weight just kept piling on and on and on... LOL >>> He calls me up on my cellphone a few minutes after leaving my house... He tells me to look out the window because he wanted to wave at me from across the street. (This incident just makes me smile every time I remember it!) ...and there he was, six feet and five inches tall, looking like an ant from where I was standing--- because I lived on the 6th floor of the building. >>> He sends me a text message while I was at work asking me if I liked buttered corn and carrots... he tells me he got into a fight with some boys while playing basketball... I dunno why up to now I still remember all this... While at work I find out that I had the day off on my birthday... the first thing I do after hearing the good news is call him up to tell him all about it... >>> He went with me to the gynecologist for prenatal check ups and to government offices for filing of maternity benefits--- people in these places automatically assumed he was my husband, neither of us told anyone that we weren't married or that he wasn't the father of the child I was carrying... Being together just felt natural... and FUN was always part of the equation! >>> I had a exhausting day at work and was going home to an empty house because it was the maid's day off... He showed up and gave me a hug and everything bad about my day quickly dissolved... He made me smile... He got me laughing my ass off even when I was at my grouchiest... His mere presence made me realize that my life wasn't so bad after all... ***smile*** |
Friday, April 22, 2011
you know who you are
I LOVE YOU. i hope you know that. we may not be what we used to be but that has not kept me from loving you. i always have. i always will. to me, you are the father of my child. although he does not have your DNA, i know how much you love him and i love you for that. but that's not the only reason why i love you. you are a good person, no matter how much you try to convince me otherwise; and you have been so kind to me and little bear. do i love you as a friend? do i love you as a person from my past? do i love you as a person i wanna have a future with? at this point in time, i have no clue as to what i want. and i'm pretty sure the topic of you and me is the farthest thing from your mind as well. right now, i like how things are between you and me... no bitterness from the past, no anxiety about the future, it is what it is... and it is a good thing! and i just wanna let you know that no matter where the wind blows, i will always be here for you; and even if you don't say it, i know i can rely on you to be there for me and our little bear, forever... stay safe out there, SOLDIER BOY... take care of yourself...
☀ wink wink wink ;P
☀ wink wink wink ;P
☀☀☀ Even though we have changed and we are finding our own place in the world, we know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we will come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we are no longer FRIENDS... ☀☀☀
Friday, April 8, 2011
autism mommies = awesome women
ever since my little boy was diagnosed with autism, i've always wanted to reach out to someone who was going through the same things i was going through just to talk, compare notes, and get some tips on how to deal with a child with autism. i joined online groups and discussion boards but never really found anyone i connected with so i dealt with my son's autism alone. i had the support of family and friends but unless you are a parent of an autistic kid, you can never fully fathom the extreme highs and lows of living with autism. at first little bear did occupational and speech therapy and i was able to chat with parents and caregivers at waiting areas of therapy centers and that somewhat helped. just knowing that someone else was struggling the same way i was was a relief.
when my little bear turned 3, his doctor told me he was ready for special school and so he went, with mama bear and nanny in tow; and there i was pleasantly surprised to meet 3 amazing women with whom i had instant connection and what bonded us was the disability that was common in our little boys. like me, they were stay at home moms with an autistic child. our boys were all classmates in special school and while the kids were in class, we sat around the waiting area talking about our boys. at first the kids were all we talked about, but in time i learned so much more about these amazing women. not only did i find comfort in their company, i also experienced what it was like to have fun again after a long time of just existing from day to day. i realized that from the moment i became a mother up until i met my mommy friends that i was simply watching life pass me by.
i've been so caught up with making sure my boy got all the therapies and intervention he needed that i have set aside my own needs. i was so set on making him come out of his little world that i myself have retreated to my own little world that revolved around my little bear and helping him get better. i declined invitations from friends to meet up for lunch and the only parties i went to were kiddie birthday parties with little bear to help him build his socialization skills. in doing all this, i was the one becoming anti-social. up until i became friends with P, D, and L, i forgot what it's like to simply have a good laugh with a bunch of friends. i realized that i, too, needed socialization!
P has taught me never to lose hope... i see her 8 year old autistic son doing so well in school, already talking, and no tantrums because he is able to express his needs, and i say a little prayer for my little bear that someday he too will be able to talk like this kid does. i was so inspired by P when she told me her son A used to be like my little bear... always running around, non-verbal, daily tantrums, autistic indeed! looking at A now, one can't really tell for sure if he's autistic or not... he answers when spoken to, he's very friendly, and most importantly, he will tell you what he wants. now i hold on to the hope that my little tristan bear will someday get to that level. i encourage little bear a lot to hang out with his classmate A who has become like a big brother to him in the hopes that some of A's communication skills will rub off on my little boy hehehe! A is not my kid but i am proud of him as if he were my own son because he's now ready for the big school. truly A has come a long way and all credit is due to his ever patient mom, my good friend P. good job gurl! *** pat on the back, fist bump, and bear hugs, too... ;P
D has taught me perseverance. D's kid J is 6 years old and quite difficult to handle. D is all grace under pressure especially in situations where if it were me i would have gone ballistic. i've seen J roll on the floor making himself dirty, throwing food and toys everywhere, running and jumping around, clapping his hands non-stop. if this were my kid, i don't know if i could stay as calm as D usually is. seeing D unfrazzled by it all has inspired me to stay cool, calm, and collected when dealing with my little bear especially when he is being "very autistic". whenever i complain to God for making my life difficult at times, i think about D and her son J and realize that my life isn't so bad after all. dealing with little bear is like a walk in the park compared to dealing with J. i have grown to love D like a sister and J like a son and i often find myself saying a prayer for them as well as for me and my boy. Me and little bear, D and J... we shall overcome autism together! hang in there with me gurl... ;P
L has such a hard life that i just wanna give her and her 5 year old little autistic boy G a big hug. she does all that she can to make life for little G and her 2 other kids as comfortable as possible. L is a survivor in every sense of the word. if i were in her shoes, i would have had a nervous breakdown with all her problems coming one after the other. dealing with autism is hard enough as it is, but that seems to be the least of L's worries. she has remained strong though, and is still able to have a good laugh in spite of all the chaos in her world. as with all my women friends, i look up to her in admiration and awe and i say a little prayer of thanks to Him who has given me these 3 women who are my source of strength and emotional support. L is transferring G to a different special school and me and little bear will truly miss them both. i love hanging out with them because little bear is able to socialize with little G, maybe because they are closer in age... they don't exchange many words but they play a lot, and L and i enjoy hearing their hearty laughter and happy giggles... ;P
almost a year has gone by since i first became friends with these super women. when i wake up each morning, i find myself looking forward to spending time with them. call it chemistry, call it commonality, call it convenience, i call it genuine friendship! it's kinda sad though because our boys will each be going their separate ways at the start of the new school year, but i find comfort in knowing that my friendship with these women of strength will be forever... thank you gurls for being there for me and my little tristan bear... words cannot express how much i hold each of you and your little boys dear to my heart... kisses, kisses, kisses, and bear hugs, too... see you guys around... ☀ wink wink wink ;P
☀☀☀ To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed --- That can make life a garden. ☀☀☀
~~~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
when my little bear turned 3, his doctor told me he was ready for special school and so he went, with mama bear and nanny in tow; and there i was pleasantly surprised to meet 3 amazing women with whom i had instant connection and what bonded us was the disability that was common in our little boys. like me, they were stay at home moms with an autistic child. our boys were all classmates in special school and while the kids were in class, we sat around the waiting area talking about our boys. at first the kids were all we talked about, but in time i learned so much more about these amazing women. not only did i find comfort in their company, i also experienced what it was like to have fun again after a long time of just existing from day to day. i realized that from the moment i became a mother up until i met my mommy friends that i was simply watching life pass me by.
i've been so caught up with making sure my boy got all the therapies and intervention he needed that i have set aside my own needs. i was so set on making him come out of his little world that i myself have retreated to my own little world that revolved around my little bear and helping him get better. i declined invitations from friends to meet up for lunch and the only parties i went to were kiddie birthday parties with little bear to help him build his socialization skills. in doing all this, i was the one becoming anti-social. up until i became friends with P, D, and L, i forgot what it's like to simply have a good laugh with a bunch of friends. i realized that i, too, needed socialization!
P has taught me never to lose hope... i see her 8 year old autistic son doing so well in school, already talking, and no tantrums because he is able to express his needs, and i say a little prayer for my little bear that someday he too will be able to talk like this kid does. i was so inspired by P when she told me her son A used to be like my little bear... always running around, non-verbal, daily tantrums, autistic indeed! looking at A now, one can't really tell for sure if he's autistic or not... he answers when spoken to, he's very friendly, and most importantly, he will tell you what he wants. now i hold on to the hope that my little tristan bear will someday get to that level. i encourage little bear a lot to hang out with his classmate A who has become like a big brother to him in the hopes that some of A's communication skills will rub off on my little boy hehehe! A is not my kid but i am proud of him as if he were my own son because he's now ready for the big school. truly A has come a long way and all credit is due to his ever patient mom, my good friend P. good job gurl! *** pat on the back, fist bump, and bear hugs, too... ;P
D has taught me perseverance. D's kid J is 6 years old and quite difficult to handle. D is all grace under pressure especially in situations where if it were me i would have gone ballistic. i've seen J roll on the floor making himself dirty, throwing food and toys everywhere, running and jumping around, clapping his hands non-stop. if this were my kid, i don't know if i could stay as calm as D usually is. seeing D unfrazzled by it all has inspired me to stay cool, calm, and collected when dealing with my little bear especially when he is being "very autistic". whenever i complain to God for making my life difficult at times, i think about D and her son J and realize that my life isn't so bad after all. dealing with little bear is like a walk in the park compared to dealing with J. i have grown to love D like a sister and J like a son and i often find myself saying a prayer for them as well as for me and my boy. Me and little bear, D and J... we shall overcome autism together! hang in there with me gurl... ;P
L has such a hard life that i just wanna give her and her 5 year old little autistic boy G a big hug. she does all that she can to make life for little G and her 2 other kids as comfortable as possible. L is a survivor in every sense of the word. if i were in her shoes, i would have had a nervous breakdown with all her problems coming one after the other. dealing with autism is hard enough as it is, but that seems to be the least of L's worries. she has remained strong though, and is still able to have a good laugh in spite of all the chaos in her world. as with all my women friends, i look up to her in admiration and awe and i say a little prayer of thanks to Him who has given me these 3 women who are my source of strength and emotional support. L is transferring G to a different special school and me and little bear will truly miss them both. i love hanging out with them because little bear is able to socialize with little G, maybe because they are closer in age... they don't exchange many words but they play a lot, and L and i enjoy hearing their hearty laughter and happy giggles... ;P
almost a year has gone by since i first became friends with these super women. when i wake up each morning, i find myself looking forward to spending time with them. call it chemistry, call it commonality, call it convenience, i call it genuine friendship! it's kinda sad though because our boys will each be going their separate ways at the start of the new school year, but i find comfort in knowing that my friendship with these women of strength will be forever... thank you gurls for being there for me and my little tristan bear... words cannot express how much i hold each of you and your little boys dear to my heart... kisses, kisses, kisses, and bear hugs, too... see you guys around... ☀ wink wink wink ;P
☀☀☀ To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed --- That can make life a garden. ☀☀☀
~~~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Sunday, March 20, 2011
i like you just like that
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| you and me we can light up the sky... LOL... dream on... |
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
pretty eyes don't sleep
i've got a friend who's got the prettiest eyes i've seen. wink! wink! wink! he doesn't sleep much, got a wicked sense of humor, and keeps me up all night talking about stuff you don't wanna know about. my wish for my pretty eyed friend... ☀☀☀ Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket never let it fade away, Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket save it for a rainy day, For love may come and tap you on the shoulder some starless night, Just in case you feel you want to hold her, You'll have a pocketful of starlight ☀☀☀
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine
i think the reason why i'm still single at 34 is because i really have no clue as to what i really want in a boy. it's either that or i'm just a horrible witch that no one wants to be with. but i've already kept my broomstick under lock and key so it's about time for me to start wishing for that perfect warlock... errr, i mean boy LOL! in the spirit of valentine's day i'm going to make a wish list of sorts for the qualities i want in my future partner (positive thinking!). i'll let the power of the mind do the work and see how this goes. i'm gonna think really long and hard about this coz after all
"thoughts become words,
words become actions,
actions become habits,
habits become character, and
character becomes one's destiny..."
and i'm crossing my fingers that by next valentine's day, my mister man will be by my side... because the universe is bringing him to me! ☀ wink wink wink ;P
♥ doesn't have to look exactly like john abraham but close (a girl can dream can't i?) ♥ tall, dark, handsome, pearly white teeth, minty fresh breath the whole day even if he just ate durian or shawarma (if he doesn't like those kinda food, he'll learn to love them, because i do! hehehe) ♥ drowns himself in aftershave, eau de toilette, body spray and cologne (i like my man smelling nice, deal with it!) ♥ fashion style must be neat and crisp, clothes clean and ironed out, shoes with socks, belt, and none of those hiphop jeans please! ♥ broad shoulders (a must!) not for me but for when my little bear falls asleep, he could help me carry little bear around hehehe! ♥ someone who takes good care of his skin (coz zits are my #1 pet peeve! eeewww!)
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| john abraham |
♥ doesn't have to look exactly like john abraham but close (a girl can dream can't i?) ♥ tall, dark, handsome, pearly white teeth, minty fresh breath the whole day even if he just ate durian or shawarma (if he doesn't like those kinda food, he'll learn to love them, because i do! hehehe) ♥ drowns himself in aftershave, eau de toilette, body spray and cologne (i like my man smelling nice, deal with it!) ♥ fashion style must be neat and crisp, clothes clean and ironed out, shoes with socks, belt, and none of those hiphop jeans please! ♥ broad shoulders (a must!) not for me but for when my little bear falls asleep, he could help me carry little bear around hehehe! ♥ someone who takes good care of his skin (coz zits are my #1 pet peeve! eeewww!)
♥ a man with a plan... coz i hate being asked "what should we do today?" or "where do you wanna go?" or "where do we eat?" he has to have that all figured out and all i have to do is show up ♥ someone who takes his job seriously but not that seriously... a person who is able to separate work from his personal life and can manage his time between the two. it would be nice though, if he is already a millionaire and will just spend most of his time with me and little bear traveling the world (disneyworld, kotakinabalu, african safari *sigh*) ♥ funny... must be able to deal with my sarcastic humor and come up with a few comebacks so that i wouldn't feel like such an ass around him ♥ a gentle soul... enough with the bad boys, i'm choosing to disassociate myself from these types forever, history is not repeating itself this time around! it would be nice to be with someone who is a good boy in general but not the goody goody two shoes variety please! just someone who is good to his mom and family, that would be a keeper! (mama's boys are welcome to apply LOL)
♥ save the best for last... must love me and my little bear without conditions and feel at home in our chaotic little world!
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| me and my little valentine |
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